You’ve done the work. You led the project, landed the client, solved the problem nobody else could figure out. When it comes time to talk about it, however, you downplay it, or worse, you say nothing at all.
Nearly every executive I coach does some version of this. Talented, accomplished people sit across from me and say, “I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging.” So, they stay quiet. They let their work “speak for itself,” which almost never works. Your work doesn’t speak for itself. Rather, you must speak “for your work.” I’ve said this so many times I should probably print it on a mug.
The cost of staying quiet adds up. When you don’t articulate what you bring to the table, other people fill in the blanks for you. Your manager doesn’t know what to advocate for, and your peers don’t know what to refer you for. Inevitably, you become invisible, not because you lack skill, but because you never gave anyone the language to describe it.
What it means to brag
Part of the problem is that the word “bragging” has turned into something shameful. When I interviewed Lisa Bragg, author of Bragging Rights, on my podcast, she said that the word “brag” originally meant to shine and shimmer with pride. Somewhere along the way, it’s become a negative, which is a shame.
Bragging and self-aggrandizing are two different things. Bragging is simply talking about your successes. It requires thinking about who you are and what you want to be known for before you start amplifying it. Self-aggrandizing is the version most people are afraid of — the narcissistic, “look-at-me” behavior that puts others down.
The fear of bragging
If you’re worried about bragging, you’re probably not doing it. The people who cross the line rarely stop to wonder whether they have.
In my coaching work, I’ve noticed that women tend to struggle with this more acutely. Many were taught early on to seek external validation, to prioritize the team, and to make sure nobody else feels bad. The result is a vicious cycle. You downplay your accomplishments because you don’t want to seem boastful. Then you wonder why nobody recognizes your contributions. Bragg calls these people “hidden gems.” That label is painfully accurate.
