When the inevitable robot uprising comes, I’ll be ready, thanks to some valuable lessons I picked up at CES. First, if given the choice of a dance off versus hand to hand combat, opt for the fight. Second, wear a cup when you do.
Robotics company Unitree showcased its G-1 humanoid robot at the show. The G-1 is a rarity in the robotic world in that it’s already on the market for under $15,000. Unitree’s booth was an ongoing spectacle, surrounded by people eager for a close look at the dapperlooking unit, wearing a white shirt and button down vest, showcasing impressive dance skills, throwing down moves that even Shabba-Doo and Bugaloo Shrimp could respect.
There was another G-1, too — this one with a decidedly more combative directive.
By sheer luck, I found myself being asked if I’d like to strap on the gloves and go a round with the G-1. After being force-fed the technology for the better part of a week, I wasn’t going to turn down an opportunity to whale on a robot.
The fight seemed fixed from the start, though. The G-1 had headgear. None was offered to myself or any other meatbag who stepped into the ring. Its gloves were a cherry red pair from Everlast. The ones velcro’d onto my hands? Salmon colored.
As the fight started, I knew I had a few advantages – and a few disadvantages. The robot had me beat on strength and stamina, but I had the reach on it. I also had just enough boxing knowledge to know that the best approach was a combination of jabs and upper cuts and to keep my distance.
What I didn’t count on was that my height advantage meant that when the robot began swinging, it was mostly at crotch level.
I landed several solid shots on its chest cavity, sometimes hard enough to push it back and make it stagger — but, good grief, can that thing take a hit. It just kept coming.
The G-1 was terrible at protecting its head, so I focused my next round of punches square in where its nose would have been, had it had to worry about things like oxygen (which, by that point, I was gulping). That hardly slowed it down, but it might have caused some traumatic cranial injuries, as the robot then threw a wild punch combination in the air, completely off target.
In the interest of science, I did allow it to land a few hits (with my hip turned). While it wasn’t utilizing all of its robotic strength when it hit me, I could feel it.
After about four minutes, the robot laid down on the ground and pretended to be knocked out — the company’s way of saying “Ok, time for someone else to have a turn.”
When it hopped back up, we posed for a picture together. But I swear it looked ready to throw a few more jabs my way.
